After this weekend, I am terrified to check our bank account balance.

When we made the silly decision a few months ago for me to go back to school, we knew it would be tough. It would require a lot of willpower to keep our account balance at a certain level so that we weren’t scrambling at the end of the semester, digging pennies out of the couch to pay for gas. Mat and I have never been good at saving money. When we were both working full time and making really good money and had no kids and life was easy, we were still getting our cable shut off because it just seemed easier to go out to dinner every night than to make sure money was put back for our cable (our only saving grace was that we were at least diligent about paying rent, car payments, and utilities above all else). We kept telling ourselves we had PLENTY of time to save up for my maternity leave. No big deal, right? Nine months is a long time to save money, except, not really, when you keep saying, “Next pay check.”

We all know how that worked out – Mat lost his job, and we had no money saved up.

We lost my job before we even started thinking about saving for the maternity leave I would have to take with Lucas.

And this go round, it isn’t that we’re just that horrible with money; although, we did eat out more than we should, and we let our families guilt us into trips we shouldn’t have taken. We bought my mother in law’s plane ticket back home from Haiti, but at the time we thought we’d be okay.

And honestly, we are okay, but… Christmas is coming and my natural instinct is to spoil my children rotten, and I can’t. We got a flat this weekend, and when Mat went to get it repaired on a Sunday so that we could make it back home for his job later that night (that pays our rent), the place only had the most expensive tire left (surprise!) and so what was our entire Christmas budget, is now on our car. Here kids, I put a bow on the tire! Go stand by it so mama can show you what you got for Christmas!

****

I believe in karma. I try, for the most part, to do right by others, not so much just because I am a nice person, but because I don’t want bad things to happen to ME.

I am not a fan of my sister in law. I hate to put it out there in case she stumbles upon this some day, but . . . I am not. Well, let me rephrase that – I am a fan of her when she’s not planning a wedding. She was a pretty awesome cat before she got engaged, and I am hoping she returns to her sane self in a few months when the wedding stuff is over and done with. Leading up to the wedding, she was really driving me buggers, and so I let it all out to some friends, who did what friends do, and joined in on the bashing. And the picture bashing, and it escalated and I was still SO ANNOYED that I let it all happen (I don’t feel like I encouraged it, but I definitely didn’t stop it either).

After they left for their honeymoon, and I was back at the hotel reading what everyone wrote, I felt bad. I shouldn’t have let them do it, I shouldn’t have joined in either. I should have put a stop to it, because it’s not a nice thing to do. And I am sure, to them, she’s a fictional character – someone they’ll never ever meet or have a chance to meet, so it’s the equivalent of making fun of a Kardashian or a Bieber.

I had a bit of a pit in my stomach. What if… what if somehow, some way, she stumbled on what people said? Facebook is wonky, what if something becomes unprivate? The drive home I kept thinking about how whenever you unleash something to the internets, you can’t get it back.

Then our tire went flat. The tires that we just replaced not that long ago.

So we dug everything out of the trunk to get to the spare, and discovered our tire iron was worthless. Stranded on the side of the road in the exact middle between home and where we had just left, where the nearest person was over an hour away… it sucked. Thankfully the kids were remarkably well behaved considering the circumstances.

As we were digging through the trunk, I realized we left behind:

1. Xan’s most beloved Mickey Mouse

2. My wedding shoes, that I intended to take back to get the money back since I wore them for all of five minutes

3. Xan’s wedding shoes, that he only wore for about 10 minutes, tops, also planning on returning

4. My spanx

5. Xan’s favorite jacket

6. Mat’s favorite hoodie

It’s like we left this massive trail of our things all over the city.

Part of me can’t help but wonder … if I had put a stop to it, or if I hadn’t even complained at all and opened up the opportunity for some jokes at someone else’s expense, if things would have turned out differently.

Ugh. Damn karma.

 

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