Surprisingly, this looks better on me than when I got the shirt, back in May.

May until now to do something about it. That is a long time. I wish I had a good reason, but I don’t.

****

Sunday night Lucas had a hard time sleeping, and I wound up staying up with him. I didn’t even fall asleep until 7am Monday morning. I spent the majority of yesterday in a zombie haze, so I didn’t take a shower. I have to shower or my hair gets gross, but I just kept putting it off. I watched the OSU game with Mat, and it didn’t end until 11pm. I told him earlier that I needed to shower because if I didn’t, two days of unshowered hair would be grosser than gross, and then I would want to shower in the morning, and then I wouldn’t want to go to the gym because I had just showered… it was going to snowball. But I kept putting it off, and then the game ended and I was so zonked that I told him… nah, I won’t go shower.

I knew that making that decision meant no gym today. I knew when I said those words that I was sealing my fate for the next day, but I felt like I didn’t care, whatever. What’s one more day that I don’t go?

I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth, and I eyeballed the scale. I had a ton of water all day, I ate decently, so I was curious. I had just weighed myself the day before, but… eh. I hopped on in my pjs, and it read 284.

“Hmmm,” I thought to myself. “284 at the end of the day… I wonder what it will read in the morning?”

I sighed and turned on the shower. If I am going to lose this weight, at some point, I will have to go to the gym.

****

This morning I woke up late, 10 am. I didn’t sleep well again, this time all my fault. I tossed and turned all night and Mat let me sleep. He popped his head in and said, “I guess I am going to the gym alone?” We had made a raquetball date, but I felt so… groggy. Fuzzy. I mumbled something to him, but I couldn’t get back to sleep because I had to pee.

I stumbled into the bathroom, did my thing, eyeballed the scale again.

“I shouldn’t step on it,” I thought. “This is just waster weight, and it doesn’t mean anything.”

282.0.

I have been in this horrible loop of weight loss, and I just wished for once I could get off of it. I finally broke through the barrier of the cycle. This is the sign I needed that maybe I am finally moving in the right direction.

So I told Mat to wait, and I got dressed, drank some water, and we played some raquetball. 452 calories worth of raquetball.

****

I will wear this shirt for realsies.

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